.:Boring-ness:.

*sigh* these days , it's either getting rotten at home besides practicing my music and doing the damn long witted grade4 theory which I'll be having exams round in the middle on June.. AHHH.. NOT AGAIN!!! Or going to the Driving School. Chinese New Year is coming and I'm desperately need to get out and smell the city for once again. Need to shop for new stuff.. CNY is all about new things and new stuff blabalbala.. You dun expect me to wear back those worn and old dirty clothes which i dint wash it for 1 month? nah joking, i dint do tht exactly. LOL

Ok, i wanna post about yesterday when I went to get my theory lesson in my Driving School. 3 hours in the class. DAMN, IT'S SO BLOODY HELL COLD AND I DUN GET THE TEACHER, THE WEATHER OUTSIDE IS RAINING , IT'S ALREADY SO COLD AND YOU STILL HAVE TO SWITCH ON THE AIR-COND TO MAKE THE CLASS A BLIZZARD. I only brought one jacket and it dint rescue tht much. I was feeling nausea in the middle of the class but thx god i dint throw up like my mum. After a few minutes rest, came another 3 hours outside to experiment the car and wht are we going to be tested during the driving test. OMG imagine I was trying to fight my nausea and then the headache joined in. Why? I'm so dizzy and i have to stand for another 3 hours outside listening to those boring talks and the teacher was .....okok only..
And Tracy was with another group. DAMN~ And haaha.. I saw Sook Wai and Gregory too lolx. Both were already practicing driving on the road while we noobies still looking at them dumbly dunno wht's goin on.

Then when I just sat at the car going back time, I started to feel dizzy. My head was crazy heavy as if an elephant was to sleep on my damn tiny head. Went back home and my whole body wasnt under control. I thought in any minute ,my whole would collapse on the floor. So i quickly took shower. Pointless, I felt worse instead. Then I thought eating would help. Useless, then suddenly, my mum took a bucket when I told her I got the feeling of vomiting. Errr.. then the next thing i knew, I was asleep and my mum woke up me later round 11.30pm to get to bed. Thx god again, I dint puke.


Phew, luckily I'm okay rite now. Man, bad start for year 2008 ==. I think wht my mum said was true. In this year of rat, those people who born in the year horse would have the worst luck. Even though my mum herself is a rat but it's not a good year for her too. Oh my, NOW IM SO WORRIED ABOUT MY DRIVING TEST AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, GRADE 4 EXAM!! DAMN DAMN DAMN!!




STITCH, I MISS U SO MUCH!!!!! T_________________________T

*peace*

.:When They Know It's Risky,...They Try to Stop Me:.

Maybe my talent is not a talent afterall?
Maybe mine is just plain zero. I don't blame that.
Is my decision really risky?
Sure enough I do understand it is but..
Seriously, what are you people trying to tell me?
That I'm not suitable for what I'm planning to do?
I might not be having a bright future?
Or maybe you think I can't be successful next time..?
You guys kept discussing of this matter until it's like a never ending debate.
Concern? yes I know. But can't I least try?
I live once in the world.
How would you guys know if you haven't try and it's not wrong rite?
I know it bothers you guys that I'm trying to take the odd path.
But it's not that it's never been taken but it's just not happening much in my place.
Surely everyone even my best friends thought I would pursue on something else.
Thx for ur concern I don't like it.
To me, "that" is not the one for me.
Cuz those jobs you see around the world is mostly pleasing people.
What if people doesnt like it? They have their sense of style and so have mine too.
That's wasting effort but this is life. It has no rights or wrong.
And I don't like it. It's not fix.


So as my own decision.

But will I gain respect from that if I take the road most taken?
Will I be ever able to compete with others and get what I desire?
It's obviously I'm always lacking of confidence.
Cuz I don't like to show it as I thought it's much more disrespectful to me.

And C'mon I never like teaching! For Holy's Sake, sop urging me to do it. I'm not a coward. I just don't like to teach. HELLO!? OPINIONS!!!You can't expect everyone to LIKE teaching.

Can't I just working something else? Maybe if I ever graduate, I can teach for part time.
Maybe my ambition is tough to achieve. I agree. A job which is not consistence. Big risk.

And I ain't rich and I FUCKING GET THE PICTURE!! You think I don't know that?
You think I'm not scared I won't be successful!?
C'mon of course I know. CUZ IT'S MY LIFE IM GOING THROUGH AND I"LL BE DOING IT ON MY OWN.NOT YOU!!!

FUCK.

Cuz maybe I thought for 14 years of learning it since young, I can't say no cuz I felt meaningless.


Look I don't even wanna give up. I rather die if you ask me to take something else. But I do have confidence on what I'm gonna take. But then again..though i don't have it much right now,,

I will try my best to proof that by MUSIC, YOU FUCKERS WILL GIVE RESPECT TO ME AND I'M NOT TURNING BACK CUZ I'M TAKING THAT FUCKING SUBJECT, UNDERSTAND !!!???






No, I'm not scolding anyone. Really. It's not the people I know.
It's just that sometimes I kept hearing these voices telling me in my mind when there's no one around in ur room saying....

"No Siew Mun, don't take it. It's not popular here. Don't waste ur time blablaba.."
"Aren't you good at art? Why don't you take graphics?"
"Your talent isn't good enough. It could be dangerous."


Fuck you, I KNEW THAT EARLIER!!

But it's just in my dreams that i'll be hearing this often. People it's just a dream and me who thinks too much.

God is playing some games with me. He creates me for a purpose. Hardships is what he would give to me at first before rewards come in second. I accept it. No, i'm not talking religious here. Even if you don't believe in God, in life, there's roads which are either smooth or bumpy and it's a test of ur ability how well enough can u manage..
Even if I couldnt succeed, it won't matter cuz practice makes perfect.


And I really believe that,
Without music, it's even meaningless for the creation of voicebox or sound.
Without music, there won't be humans in this world.



Think about it.
You think I'm talking fucking crap.
So fuck, leave my fucking blog if you don't give a fuck to me of what I'm typing here.
In the end, just fuck urself till you either fucking get it or not.
Otherwise, just fuck leave me alone cuz it's my fucking funeral.
I'm fucking trying to help and save music.





Well got dinner tonight, finally. Wont be getting rotten at home for christmas celebration.
And yes, wine is my best solution for the frustration.


But i'm still not Okay =)




sorry for the violation but fuck, who cares?
*slam on the door*